Because my mind is too scattered right now for a coherent post…

Being on a committee is reminding me why I try to avoid being on committees.

My husband turned down sex last night in favor of playing Starcraft 2.

I hate being broke.

My very promising job offer fell through, which leaves me back to no job, 9 credits of school, and… being broke.

Ginger decided that 4:30 in the morning is a good time to get up and start her day.  I disagree.

Committees!  I HATE them!!!

Why is that that parks don’t allow dogs?  How does this make any sense?  Who wants to go to a picnic and not take their dogs? I need to leave my dog home alone for 9 hours on Friday while I’m setting up for, attending, and cleaning up from a picnic? Really?

I just bought some figs at Costco while I was shopping for stuff for the aforementioned picnic.  Since it was Costco, I bought 15 figs, so I’m really hoping that I like figs.  I’m not sure what I want to do with them but they seem like such a glamorous and sensuous fruit that I just have to try something out.

Lego Harry Potter for Nintendo DS is quite possibly the most fun game in the entire world. And I’m good at it.  Which makes it even more fun.

Someday I’m going to have a super-well organized arts and crafts room so I don’t have to deal with this nonsense of never being able to find stuff when I need it and buying stuff that I already have because the stuff that I do have is buried in a box someplace that I can’t get to.

Seriously.  He turned down sex in order to play a video game.  I’m quite honestly not sure how I feel about this.

I’m going to Tahoe for a week.  I’m staying at a house on the lake and I’m going with my very cool aunt and it’s going to be so much fun and I can’t wait!

Ginger and I are going on a walk. Husband has been working 14 hr days for the past two weeks with no days off and it’s getting old. So we are going on a walk. Maybe he will be home when we get back.

Avoidance is the best policy; or there’s a time and a place and that was not it

Husband and I had a conversation last night while he was sleeping.  In retrospect, this is not the best plan.  It went like this.  I came home from SeaWorld and Ginger peed in the grass and I wrote a post for my blog and added movies to my Netflix queue and finally decided to go to bed about 30 minutes before he needed to get up to go to work.  He woke up a little bit when I came to bed and asked how SeaWorld was and we started talking and I thought that he was more awake than he really was.  I made some comment about how we were out of water and I’ve never gone to the place and filled up the jugs with water, it always just seems to happen and I don’t know how to do it and so now I’m going to be thirsty because I finished the water but I’m not going to go get more because that’s a new thing and I’m scared of new things and so I’ll just be thirsty and wow I really don’t act like a grown-up some times.  I should have stopped here.  But I kept going.

Me: Does it bother you that sometimes I don’t act like a grownup?

Husband:…

Me: That’s really not a good place to not say anything.

Husband: Oh, sorry, I thought I responded….

Me: So… Does it bother you that sometimes I don’t act like a grownup?

Husband: Sorry, I thought I said Yes.

Me: Yes? (thinking, surely he meant no, he can’t possibly have said yes and meant it, could he?)

Husband: Yes.  It bothers me that sometimes I have to ask you to do things more than once or that I have to ask you to do things at all that you just should have done.

At this point, my mind is going crazy.  What does he mean by this? What sorts of things is he talking about? He must be talking about how I haven’t been tidying up around the house and how I tracked grass in the other morning and didn’t vacuum it up and I made him get up to clean up after Ginger cause I’d already done it once today and gee I hope that he says something soon unless maybe he thinks that I’m a really bad wife and has been waiting to say something like this for a while and Oh My God what have I done?!?!?!?!?

Me: So, um, my grown-up self realizes that your sleeping but my insecure 13-year old self is kind of having a panic attack because I don’t really know what you meant by that and so of course you mean that I’m awful at life and being a wife and it would be nice if you say something unless your silence means that you are secretly laughing inside because I am finally realizing how awful I am…

Husband: … Snore

Freak out continues.  Eventually he wakes up and we talk about this (which involved a lot of me hiding under the covers and/or my squashy pillow) and now everything is fine, but now I feel guilty about all the things that I haven’t done around the house.  So now I have a to-do list that looks like this:

CLEAN EVERYTHING

Crap.  That’s too broad.  Ok, let’s make it a little more specific.

Tidy bathroom. Wipe down sinks, toilet, mirrors, scrub tub, organize under the sink, clean the floor, beat rugs.

Tidy bedroom.  Put away all the clothes, put away all the clutter on my desk, Husband’s desk, my dresser, Husband’s dresser, the nightstand, organize closet, organize shoes, throw stuff away, take stuff to goodwill, wash sheets, make bed, vacuum carpet, dust, decorate.

Clean living space.  Clear off tops of bookshelves, put away all the shoes, find a home for every single thing that’s out, magically make there be more room on the bookshelves so that our new books can find a home, dust, vacuum, throw stuff away, organize pantry, buy containers for bulk dry goods and put everything away, clear off the table, scrub every surface in the kitchen, find homes for everything, decorate and make it look like grown-ups live here.

As you can see, this is somewhat of a momentous list, and a lot of it just isn’t possible.  I love to cook but have a teeny tiny kitchen so not everything is going to fit someplace nice and out of the way and  right now we have more books than bookshelves so not really sure how to fix that problem and oh yeah, this list scares the shit out of me because it’s so huge and overwhelming so what have I done this morning instead of any of that?

Walked Ginger

Watched the movie Penelope (which was pretty cute.  I liked it a lot)

Wrote this

Wasted time on Facebook

Discovered Dr Horrible’s Sing Along Blog (I love this! How have I not know about this before? Have I been living under a box?

Ate nachos for breakfast

Super productive morning, as you can see.  I guess I should add ‘Learn to deal with your problems like a grown-up’ to my to-do list.  And that is why I need to not ever have serious conversations with Husband while he is sleeping.

I know what I want to be when I grow up…

I had a fantastic day today at puppy class where Ginger was clearly the best student of the four (and of course I’m not biased at all when I say that) and then I met up with some girlfriends at SeaWorld and now I know what I want to do when I grow up.  I want to be a sea lion trainer.  I shouldn’t have any trouble at all with that one.

In other news, Ginger went on the grass outside our house while on a leash TWO TIMES today! Twice! I’m so excited.  I think the first time she just couldn’t hold it any more, and then we made such a big deal about it and gave her so many treats that maybe it encouraged her to go a second time tonight after I got home, although it still took forever.  Hopefully she is grasping this concept.  I hate to constantly go on about my dog’s bathroom habits, but I was envisioning a life of taking her to the dog park every time she needed to go and that is just not ok.  Hopefully she is grasping this concept.

Also, I want this necklace.  http://www.etsy.com/listing/52195940/steampunk-jewelry-necklace-silver-tone.  (I really wish I knew how to make that into a link on the words ‘this necklace’ but I am tragically bad at this computer stuff.  Someday…)  Anyways, I’m fairly certain that my life will end unless I become the owner of this necklace, even though I’m not quite sure why I love it so much, but I don’t think that Husband gets the necklace or death situation here.  I’d say that I would prove it the hard way, but that ends with a) me not having the necklace and b) being dead and both of those are sad.

Avoidance? Me? What?

My life is full of small-group drama and money worries and omg-did-i-ruin-my-best-friend’s-wedding-cause-i-lost-the-link-to-my-bridesmaid-dress-and-now-maybe-they-are-sold-out-and-she-is-going-to-hate-me-forever angst and I don’t feel like dealing with it right now so I’m going to write about my dog.

We just got a dog. She’s a year old and this is what she looks like. Ain’t she cute? (I can’t believe I just said ‘Ain’t’)  We adopted her from a shelter that rescues dogs from Tijuana and so even though she’s a year old, we think that the first day we brought her home was the first day she was on a leash.  She doesn’t know very many commands (translation: none) and she’s about 80% house trained.  So obviously this means that we need to house train her.  Everything that we’ve read says that we need to catch her in the act of going in the house and then say ‘NO!’ very loudly and take her outside right away.  Well, we tried this method the other night.  There is this little hallway in our house (about 4 ft long) that’s kind of dark and apparently where she thinks she’s supposed to go to the bathroom.  She headed over there and squatted and we caught her.  ‘No!’ we both yelled.  Husband jumped up and took her outside right away.  However, apparently by doing this, we’ve taught her that she’s not supposed to go to the bathroom at all.  She didn’t go then, and didn’t go at all on the long walk we took her on about 30 minutes later, even with two car rides, didn’t go until the dog park after the long walk.  I think that maybe she also doesn’t like to go while on a leash, because after the dog park at about 4:30 yesterday, she didn’t want to go again.  We took her out right after dinner like the puppy books say to… Nothing

I took her out before I went to small group at about 6:30… Nothing

I called Jeff while he was sleeping from small group at 8:30 and said please check on Ginger cause I’m sure that she has to go by now…Nothing

We walked for 10 minutes when I got home from small group at quarter after 10…Nothing

First thing this morning AND after breakfast…Nothing

That dog didn’t go again until we were back at the dog park at 10 this morning, where she peed once and pooped twice.  How am I supposed to teach her that yes, it is ok to go in the big grassy area right by our door, especially in the morning or when I need to go someplace and take her out quick or at 10:30 at night when I don’t really want to walk far away and that I would really appreciate if she could go on a leash or at least learn to come so that I could let her off the leash.  What horrible habits am I unknowingly teaching my dog? Am I a horrible mom to my dog?  What happens if we have kids?  Am I going to be a bad mom to them?  I thought that dogs were supposed to be good for the self esteem.

Peach Bread Pudding

Self: the next time you decide to make a double batch of peach bread pudding which invariably requires peeling 12 peaches by hand, Please, Please, Please rethink that idea. With love, your hands.

Feeling Blah

Husband and I took the Coast Starlight train from Los Angeles to Salem, OR to visit his family the other day.  So much fun.  Trains are definitely the way to travel.  The food was amazing and our little sleeper car was so cozy and all the staff were wonderful.  I think that I will travel by train whenever possible.

I’ve been struggling a lot today with being content where I am.  I know that I am where God wants me, and doing what He wants me to be doing, but I can’t help comparing myself to all my friends (who, incidentally, I’ve been comparing myself to my whole life) and how much cooler their jobs are or how much prettier their weddings were or how their hair always works or whatever.  And I do it with people that I don’t even know.  I see people’s pictures on Facebook of friends of friends, and I compare myself to them.  And I always lose.  What’s with that?  I think that part of the problem is that right now I don’t really have a job or a purpose.  I mean, I have my husband, but he was on duty yesterday, so he wasn’t home at all for me to cook for or care for, and I’m waiting for school to start and waiting for my job to start, and right now I feel like I’m just kind of drifting.  It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning, or feel motivated to do anything.  Laundry, grocery shopping, cooking (which I love), working out…  Just not feeling it.  I’m hoping that school and job starting will help with that but not with the being happy where I am.  I have a great life; a husband who loves me and good friends and an amazing family, but I have so much trouble seeing that.  Must work on seeing the positive in my life, and living in a day to day sort of manner